i have a confession
its something i never thought i'd have to do
but first
before i let you know my inner most feelings
you have to promise to remain true
i mean remain honest and raw as a fortune telling guru
i mean, well...i have a confession
and i don't want you to feel like your response has to make a positive impression
i mean i've known this for quite some time
but for some reason it kept slipping my mind or i told myself i couldn't find
the place or the right words
like i didn't want to say all of the things you have ever heard
so
i will confess this to you and only you
and if you choose
to walk away
its cool
cause i've rehearsed every response that a fool
like me deserves
my nerves...
ok.
i want to confess how you make me sweat
especially at night i hold onto the memories that has made this moment not all alright
i need to tell you that i am sick i am tired i am literally loosing weight because of our first date
i can't tell you how i wish this would not be happening i'm babbling
ok
i need to confess that i have undressed you a million times already knowing yet ignoring the signs
i could not admit then
what i definitely know now
its like diarrhea and i'm running around just to end up under mounds of doubt and guilt
i have built another world within myself
i am finally ready to confess all of the reasons why
i've felt like i was unworthy
this secret has drove me to hurt you and countless others
from lovers to wives and children unborn my inner wrath is as a woman's scorn
see i have been wanting to tell someone for so long but i can't bare for any of you to tell me i'm wrong and that these are the consequences for my actions
i just wanted to share with hopes of feeling mere satisfaction
of clearing my conscience
so that we may deal with each other without a charade of non-sense
i have been trying to avoid judgemental thoughts, pitiful wonders,curious looks, and unforgiving stares
this is why i have been so scared !
to confess this even to myself
... that i am not damaged goods
i should not be defined by a simple blood test
if i could help what i am about to confess
if i could expose every hole in my breast
would you look beyond the markings on my chest ?
would you still call me and care for me without performing a patch test
i know the brutal truth will set me apart so let me start by apologizing for breaking your heart
rather your unrealistic expectations
i apologize for not resisting temptations
i am contrite for accepting your unsolicited invitation
causing your respiratory to be labored in respiration i am trapped in a white cell seeking inspiration
I DID NOT ASK YOU TO FEEL ANYTHING FOR ME !
I DO NOT WANT YOUR PITY !
I NEED YOU TO LISTEN TO MY CONFESSION !
DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID ?
THE CONFESSION I JUST MADE !
CAUGHT UP IN MY WORDS I JUST TOLD YOU I HAVE A.I.D.S. !
AND NONE OF YOU HEARD MY WORDS
AND ALL OF YOU JUST SAW MY SHELL
AND NONE OF YOU COULD REALLY TELL WHAT THE HELL I WAS TRYING TO CONVEY...
WHAT I REALLY WANT TO SAY, IS THAT I WANT TO LIVE I AM AFRAID TO DIE.
SO I CONFESS TO YOU ALL WHAT SO MANY WILL NOT EVER UTTER
I HAVE HIV AND I AM LIVING WITH FULL BLOWN A.I.D.S.
ITS SOMETHING I THOUGHT I'D NEVER HAVE TO DO
STAND BEFORE THE MASSES AND ADMIT THIS SO THAT YOU ALL CAN GET A CLUE
ONEI
o.n.e.i. copyright 2009
