Covert Salacity

Covert Salacity
What would make me touch you in places unheard?
Touch you in places that have no words,
When I see your bodies
I see youth.
They call me pedophile, some say
Sexual or emotional abuse

What a sick mind to lust over babes
Viewing you as an equal, creating mental slaves.
Watching you grow,
Turning into fertile gardens,
Later down the line, I ask you all for a pardon.
Excusing me from my sick thoughts
I never left a scar, how did I caught?
All I ever wanted was to feel close.
Touching you,
In places
I would never boast.
Sending me to a lineup and dictating where I can live
Because I touched your bodies…will you ever forgive?


My void is so deep I cannot fathom my wrong
So I did as they did unto me for so long.
Creating my crazy obsession, my wicked erotic dreams.
“Don’t touch me!”
“It’s not what it seems.”
I’m just longing for innocence, to introduce you to the unknown.
You trust me so much –oh, how our love has grown.
I feel the boundaries crossing as fish swim at sea
Touching your bodies, I want you
Totally
At-ease-let your mind be free,
And I pray you understand and don’t judge me.
I just wanted to hold you tight in the middle of the night.
Perhaps after school,
You know the golden rule.
Don’t yell, don’t tell, your parents trust me
They feel you’re mature giving you a latchkey.
I’ll see you on Sunday on bended knee
We play cousins k-i-s-s-i-n-g.
I won’t take your rejection
I need your connection.
Even if its forces pleasure false affection
I’m aware that this is strange and foreign to your senses
But my strong understanding hand soon convinces
All of you touched by my twisted
Uncontrollable deeds.
I have impregnated you with my dark secret seeds,
Without question. The dirt not manifesting.
Invisible to the naked eye you try to deny the impression
Of guilt, shamefully you wilt
Sucking the life force from your being just as you did me.
I will always have a hold as roots of a tree.
Your anger will grow, always leading back to me,
Less you dare and be bold and keep our bond.
People will always know that you’re my kind.

o.n.e.i.
copyright 2009

The Confession

i have a confession

its something i never thought i'd have to do

but first

before i let you know my inner most feelings

you have to promise to remain true

i mean remain honest and raw as a fortune telling guru

i mean, well...i have a confession

and i don't want you to feel like your response has to make a positive impression

i mean i've known this for quite some time

but for some reason it kept slipping my mind or i told myself i couldn't find

the place or the right words

like i didn't want to say all of the things you have ever heard

so

i will confess this to you and only you

and if you choose

to walk away

its cool

cause i've rehearsed every response that a fool

like me deserves

my nerves...

ok.

i want to confess how you make me sweat

especially at night i hold onto the memories that has made this moment not all alright

i need to tell you that i am sick i am tired i am literally loosing weight because of our first date

i can't tell you how i wish this would not be happening i'm babbling

ok

i need to confess that i have undressed you a million times already knowing yet ignoring the signs

i could not admit then

what i definitely know now

its like diarrhea and i'm running around just to end up under mounds of doubt and guilt

i have built another world within myself

i am finally ready to confess all of the reasons why

i've felt like i was unworthy

this secret has drove me to hurt you and countless others

from lovers to wives and children unborn my inner wrath is as a woman's scorn

see i have been wanting to tell someone for so long but i can't bare for any of you to tell me i'm wrong and that these are the consequences for my actions

i just wanted to share with hopes of feeling mere satisfaction

of clearing my conscience

so that we may deal with each other without a charade of non-sense

i have been trying to avoid judgemental thoughts, pitiful wonders,curious looks, and unforgiving stares

this is why i have been so scared !

to confess this even to myself

... that i am not damaged goods

i should not be defined by a simple blood test

if i could help what i am about to confess

if i could expose every hole in my breast

would you look beyond the markings on my chest ?

would you still call me and care for me without performing a patch test

i know the brutal truth will set me apart so let me start by apologizing for breaking your heart

rather your unrealistic expectations

i apologize for not resisting temptations

i am contrite for accepting your unsolicited invitation

causing your respiratory to be labored in respiration i am trapped in a white cell seeking inspiration

I DID NOT ASK YOU TO FEEL ANYTHING FOR ME !

I DO NOT WANT YOUR PITY !

I NEED YOU TO LISTEN TO MY CONFESSION !

DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID ?

THE CONFESSION I JUST MADE !

CAUGHT UP IN MY WORDS I JUST TOLD YOU I HAVE A.I.D.S. !

AND NONE OF YOU HEARD MY WORDS

AND ALL OF YOU JUST SAW MY SHELL

AND NONE OF YOU COULD REALLY TELL WHAT THE HELL I WAS TRYING TO CONVEY...

WHAT I REALLY WANT TO SAY, IS THAT I WANT TO LIVE I AM AFRAID TO DIE.

SO I CONFESS TO YOU ALL WHAT SO MANY WILL NOT EVER UTTER

I HAVE HIV AND I AM LIVING WITH FULL BLOWN A.I.D.S.

ITS SOMETHING I THOUGHT I'D NEVER HAVE TO DO

STAND BEFORE THE MASSES AND ADMIT THIS SO THAT YOU ALL CAN GET A CLUE

ONEI

o.n.e.i. copyright 2009