Lost Thoughts

Lost Thoughts
I lost my thoughts in the waters of baptism.
Ate my ideas with communion drank away my hopes
Smoked up my goals and snorted away my dreams.
Shot up my inspiration fell out of the house in desperation
With numb love
The kind that don’t come from above.
Never touched or validated
We waited,
Equated dollar signs
To I’ve made it!
Got a car, a house, loot and shot hoops.
Intelligent mind like mine
Like phat corna dimes
Confused in the mind can’t keep time
Except in rhyme, I lost my thoughts
But I’m not behind

o.n.e.i.
copyright 2000

Brotherly Love

I come from a place where some see the liberty bell
I face the living hell of digital scales
Hanging in the balance
Of silence no violence
Just-us-you-I and me
Who lurks upon these barren streets
trying to excrete the deepest part of my bowels
I hear the babies’ howl-
did I get here by foul ball or fowl play
Stuck in a three second day
24 minutes remain in the game
4th down and pain Staking
Walks stalks bean pies mixed with chalk against the dark
Moon lit double lines
I look to find a kind of
Peace
That would reach further than a brush
I stroke the pavement and make it my canvas
Yellow as the road in Kansas
Bizarre as it may seem I have subway dreams
Orange and blue I elevate to you my peers
I reside in the city of fear
It wants to tear away my hopes
Burn my vision
Transplant my goals with a deadly incision
Can you feel the tension inching closer around your neck?
Living in a land that has no respect
Crossing all boundaries
The enemy is surrounding me
Living in a hell cell of liberty bell
I weigh my soul on a digital scale lighter than a feather
I lived to tell the tale

o.n.e.i.
copyright 2001

Covert Salacity

Covert Salacity
What would make me touch you in places unheard?
Touch you in places that have no words,
When I see your bodies
I see youth.
They call me pedophile, some say
Sexual or emotional abuse

What a sick mind to lust over babes
Viewing you as an equal, creating mental slaves.
Watching you grow,
Turning into fertile gardens,
Later down the line, I ask you all for a pardon.
Excusing me from my sick thoughts
I never left a scar, how did I caught?
All I ever wanted was to feel close.
Touching you,
In places
I would never boast.
Sending me to a lineup and dictating where I can live
Because I touched your bodies…will you ever forgive?


My void is so deep I cannot fathom my wrong
So I did as they did unto me for so long.
Creating my crazy obsession, my wicked erotic dreams.
“Don’t touch me!”
“It’s not what it seems.”
I’m just longing for innocence, to introduce you to the unknown.
You trust me so much –oh, how our love has grown.
I feel the boundaries crossing as fish swim at sea
Touching your bodies, I want you
Totally
At-ease-let your mind be free,
And I pray you understand and don’t judge me.
I just wanted to hold you tight in the middle of the night.
Perhaps after school,
You know the golden rule.
Don’t yell, don’t tell, your parents trust me
They feel you’re mature giving you a latchkey.
I’ll see you on Sunday on bended knee
We play cousins k-i-s-s-i-n-g.
I won’t take your rejection
I need your connection.
Even if its forces pleasure false affection
I’m aware that this is strange and foreign to your senses
But my strong understanding hand soon convinces
All of you touched by my twisted
Uncontrollable deeds.
I have impregnated you with my dark secret seeds,
Without question. The dirt not manifesting.
Invisible to the naked eye you try to deny the impression
Of guilt, shamefully you wilt
Sucking the life force from your being just as you did me.
I will always have a hold as roots of a tree.
Your anger will grow, always leading back to me,
Less you dare and be bold and keep our bond.
People will always know that you’re my kind.

o.n.e.i.
copyright 2009

The Confession

i have a confession

its something i never thought i'd have to do

but first

before i let you know my inner most feelings

you have to promise to remain true

i mean remain honest and raw as a fortune telling guru

i mean, well...i have a confession

and i don't want you to feel like your response has to make a positive impression

i mean i've known this for quite some time

but for some reason it kept slipping my mind or i told myself i couldn't find

the place or the right words

like i didn't want to say all of the things you have ever heard

so

i will confess this to you and only you

and if you choose

to walk away

its cool

cause i've rehearsed every response that a fool

like me deserves

my nerves...

ok.

i want to confess how you make me sweat

especially at night i hold onto the memories that has made this moment not all alright

i need to tell you that i am sick i am tired i am literally loosing weight because of our first date

i can't tell you how i wish this would not be happening i'm babbling

ok

i need to confess that i have undressed you a million times already knowing yet ignoring the signs

i could not admit then

what i definitely know now

its like diarrhea and i'm running around just to end up under mounds of doubt and guilt

i have built another world within myself

i am finally ready to confess all of the reasons why

i've felt like i was unworthy

this secret has drove me to hurt you and countless others

from lovers to wives and children unborn my inner wrath is as a woman's scorn

see i have been wanting to tell someone for so long but i can't bare for any of you to tell me i'm wrong and that these are the consequences for my actions

i just wanted to share with hopes of feeling mere satisfaction

of clearing my conscience

so that we may deal with each other without a charade of non-sense

i have been trying to avoid judgemental thoughts, pitiful wonders,curious looks, and unforgiving stares

this is why i have been so scared !

to confess this even to myself

... that i am not damaged goods

i should not be defined by a simple blood test

if i could help what i am about to confess

if i could expose every hole in my breast

would you look beyond the markings on my chest ?

would you still call me and care for me without performing a patch test

i know the brutal truth will set me apart so let me start by apologizing for breaking your heart

rather your unrealistic expectations

i apologize for not resisting temptations

i am contrite for accepting your unsolicited invitation

causing your respiratory to be labored in respiration i am trapped in a white cell seeking inspiration

I DID NOT ASK YOU TO FEEL ANYTHING FOR ME !

I DO NOT WANT YOUR PITY !

I NEED YOU TO LISTEN TO MY CONFESSION !

DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID ?

THE CONFESSION I JUST MADE !

CAUGHT UP IN MY WORDS I JUST TOLD YOU I HAVE A.I.D.S. !

AND NONE OF YOU HEARD MY WORDS

AND ALL OF YOU JUST SAW MY SHELL

AND NONE OF YOU COULD REALLY TELL WHAT THE HELL I WAS TRYING TO CONVEY...

WHAT I REALLY WANT TO SAY, IS THAT I WANT TO LIVE I AM AFRAID TO DIE.

SO I CONFESS TO YOU ALL WHAT SO MANY WILL NOT EVER UTTER

I HAVE HIV AND I AM LIVING WITH FULL BLOWN A.I.D.S.

ITS SOMETHING I THOUGHT I'D NEVER HAVE TO DO

STAND BEFORE THE MASSES AND ADMIT THIS SO THAT YOU ALL CAN GET A CLUE

ONEI

o.n.e.i. copyright 2009

A Little Girl's Pain

I needed you to hold me
Mold me
Show me how to be.
I am a small reflection of you.
Did you ever love me?

I needed you not to tear me down,
But build my esteem.
Judging me pound for pound,
Wishing I was lean.

I needed you to be a little more assertive,
And take me from my dad.
Who dressed me and treated me
As the son he didn't have.

I needed more berets and dainty lace socks,
Along with skirts to replace tube socks.

I needed you to show me how girls dress,
Maybe I wouldn't have worn so many sweats.
To teach me to be comfortable with myself,
Talk to me about the feelings of growing up you felt.

I needed less perms, rollers and hair pressin',
Come to my games support your investment.

I needed your approval not your expectations,
I needed not your temper but your patience.

Show me how to wash and love my body,
Tell me what's a cycle and explain it's not naughty.

I needed you to validate my feelings,
Help me define who I am.
Let me cry be by my side,
Just plain ole give a damn!

o.n.e.i.
copyright 2001

Swimming In Space

I fall further into an abyss
The mist grows thick
Escaping into a mental bliss
I curb my fist
Onto a pencil
UtensilI use to peruse
The abused battered places
Appearing as an oasis
Spaces unapproved for safe dwellingI'm telling, you all
What it feels like,
The fall

The pain skint my brain,
Causing me to write
When left I came.
On winter seasons, demons,
Intersecting insane,
Parallel to hope,
Perpendicular to pain.
Telepathic communication
Is not in vein.
Clairvoyant symbolism within my plain,
Field of view,
Lost some of you, in love and war
Controlled real young so my mind is sore
Hard too the core
I soar
Even in the abyss I see the door.

o.n.e.i.
copyright 2001

The Pit

Standing in a bottomless pit
I lit a match
The sulfur turned it black
So I'm back
at square one
Standing in a bottomless pit
I am one
With darkness
knowing of thisDarkness lacking knowledge
Standing in a bottomless pit
No light feels quite sufficient
TwirlingWithout cognizant direction
Providing correction
Not even the brownness of my complexion
Gives me affection
Self-persecution found in confusion becomes amusing
Perusing past trails I get lost and fail to recognize
The pattern of Saturn when matter in of fact
I can't bring it back
Looking at the bottomless pit
Standing with a match I lit
The path suspended in animation
I ask those who wear the mask
how can I cast
A vote of hope to those who can't cope
Stranded
In a pit to grope
Fanatically scope without guidance
Nor rope to pull them under or out
The pit
The bottomless pit
Has a mouth
Swallowing us whole full of doubt
We shout
As if church was about
Sanctified service do I deserve this route
Standing in the bottomless pit
But how?
If it has no foundation
In the bottomless pit
HE SPARKS CREATION.

o.n.e.i.
copyright 2001

Penmanship

PENMANSHIP

I am touching you again

Not knowing how to hold you or what to say.

It’s all cramped up, packed away

I thought I’d lost you or you went astray

I find myself touching you,

Again,

In some strange way possible a sin

Lookin’ to hold you

Addicted to THE PEN.

Secondary is paper as a long lost friend

I continue to bend consonants to no end

Vowel I’ll do my best with enunciation

Vowing commitment to my occupation

Calling!

If I must say so myself.

Witnessing poetry books stored on the shelf

Uneducated in the science, thru GREATER ALLIANCE

I still write despite my electric fence defiance

Slash-mental blocks words lock ink filled jots control my mind.

Life hands in the balance escaping time

Transforming trance of the DIVINE.

Entering my soul as colorful rhyme

Cadence is rhythm manifesting as hymn

THE PEN

Produces

The snaps, the applause, the yes-yes ya’lls

From gray cloud skies eloquence does fall.

Inspiring hues of blues and deepening blacks.

Allows me to decrease these demons on my back

Desperate in all attempts I twist and spin

Never relinquishing the Power of THE PEN.

o.n.e.i.
copyright 2005

Introspection 5241

Introspection 5241

You stole my innocence and took away my choices

Stifled my spirit injected your voices

Shifted

My position creating androgyny

Enhancing partition of emotional maturity

Generating minority/inferiority

States of being

Arresting my development hindering and misleading

When seduced I see me fleeing

The situation

Fearful elation

Except thru masturbation

Still a child confined to your world

Raising a wife only to be sterile

Detached

Unknowingly you made me a banging’ ass stud

Searching for answers in my period blood

Small traces of places we visited with ease

Giving away masculine secrets

You planted the seed

On how to be a man

Outside of relations yet once opened up

I plot the constellation

Female born

Yet male grown

Division creating diversity

o.n.e.i.
copyright 2006

Y-'all Write

Some of y'all write to excite Write to shed light
Onto a situation at night
Write to fight
write to ignite the spark in the plight
Write to feel good
write cause they should
Write to feed famished brains food
Write to be cool write to fool w
rite to share knowledgeOr take some to school
write preschool
Write dissertation animation
Write plain or complication
Write to bond or free your mind
You me write
for we be
Writing for rights
Reciting all night so your soul can get right
Write tight like chorus line
Girls write to tell the woes
of lifeBoys write 'bout girls
We write each other until we earl
Write to save a life write to ease strife
Write to right all thats gone left
Rites of passage
Writings of massive movements
We write to gripe get a grip and writeUntil blurry in sight
so who right
When we write dynamite
Alright

O.N.E.I.
copyright 2001

2057

Once I speak my peace thru this piece I hope to increase an awareness of this beast at least give me a chance and not shutter at first glance
but
close your lens allowing darkness to ascend
your thougts
to a place which depends
on you
being willing to part and transcend
onto a plain in which geometrics obtain
while biometrics frame and scan your brain
searching for your identity uniquiely branded for you
but still satellites detect the few who
recognize the grand scheme
living in the belly's dream
political feigns seem to appear as though
repititiously wanting you to know
its TIME for a change
Change of the guard
placing the cap stone on the pyramid -
GOD-
has sent mounds of warnings pulling the alarm
but we're under the spell
in babylon we continue to farm
barron fields that will only yield emptiness

Yearning for names sewn upon tags
microchips ironclad clothes
reading your life within a wireless poll
In your face
they call myspace but who owns the domain
The order of the new world is in your screen name

Big Brothers reality has got your code
Info super highway is a suductive road
Just cut and paste embed you're traced
password laced
They know what you eat, shit, drink,
and how you taste
The whole world is online invisible it may seem
The Minority Report is no longer Deja Vu thru laser beam

We are fighting for rights that don't even matter
IMs and texting taking the place of chit-chatter
Programmed favorites keeps you in tune
Down to the point of when to let flowers bloom
They can exhume tooms of Pharohs thru google earth
There will be no sperm or egg needed for this nation to rebirth

Watch it upload open your hard drive in safe mode
Open you lens I want to digitally expose
Spiritual warfare thru your cellular frequency
chemical germs released recently
consuming anti-histamines at a concerning rate
producing an outburst of ailments without proper grub on your plate
The bees don't pollinate
There is a contaminate in and shortage of
Home grown / imported food
It looks as though everyone has a disorder of mood
Or has been touched with cancer
Acting as though they're seaching for answers
Instead living life I feel like a dancer
tryin to keep in step with a choregraphed routine
stepping outside of my natural rythmic genes
i leans and i rock with my delishious flava clock
i drop it like its hot and i'm hot when it's not
the polar caps melt messing with my pot
and live stock on the block girls look 20 unpredictable like foxx
pickin up dudes with names like joc yung dro ya'll know
its cataclysmic enslavement of the masses
i ask this
can you take off those rose color stunna glasses
and
close your lens allow darkness to ascend
your thougts
to a place which depends
on you
being willing to part
crtl, alt, delete
restart

copyright 2007 O.N.E.I.

Barracks Playground

Running thru the fields I see daisy weeds
Lost beads and broken swings, abandoned dreams
arguments between dope feigns,
Dirty kids pickin' teams, playin' tag dancin' to sirens.

I see broken glass of long nights passed,
dead birds and cats, street dogs and trash,
hustlers mingling to protect their stash,
prostitutes strutting in my path.
Rimless back boards and ball-less courts,
graffiti on walls, empty packs of Newport's.

I see monkey bars, hot sliding boards,
kids jumping rope with old extension cords.
Bathrooms locked shut, water fountain pressure low,
faded hop-scotch lines which way to go?

I see merry-go-rounds that don't spin around,
see-saws that just go down.
Baseball cages dying of rust, night lights on half them bust.
Grass real high needs to be cut,
running thru the fields I see daises and such.

Police lockin' up the neighborhood drunk,
young boys learning how to dunk.
Girls keepin' rhythm jumping double-dutch,
pig-tails boucin' from a mothers touch.

Running in the field I hear radios blare,
with forties on the curb that cool boys share.
I see the window woman with a cold hard stare.
I see two men walking that look like a pair.
Hormonal teens playin' truth or dare,
one year olds walking with feet thats bare

Running thru the fields I see my whole life,
so I keep on running right towards THE LIGHT

O.N.E.I.

copyright 2001

o.n.e.i.
copyright 2001

What It Means To Me

Poems are like medicine for my mind,
You'll understand if you're my kind.
Poems are like a sedative deep into the night,
When I am sleep and my mind takes flight.
Poems are my salvation when I hang on the cross,
Thoughts bring me to a road to which I'm lost.
Poems are rosary beads touched with pen,
For all the times I want to give in.

Poems are my enemies of all ghosts past,
Haunting and taunting me they even laugh.
Poems are suicide letters written in despair,
When I can't feel or see an nobody out there.
Poems touch me and I touch them back,
They reflect my love even when I lack.

Poems are nothing, yes everything,
All.
Something like my final call covering in covenant
As an ole woman's shawl.
Poems are intricate small and deep,
An intimate introspection into me.

Poems are solitude for the multitude in a tube of tunnel vision,
Sharp incision definition of division
Between streets and prisons.
Poems are reminders of past inflictions with no convictions.
Never read causing repetition of mission turned purpose,
Analyzing those who hurt us.
Code name murderous.

Poems are the truth told in tone initiated with vocal moans,
Secret yet not unknown uniforms rare resided in catacombs.
Mummified for those qualified.
In silence they hide scriptures, provide elixers,
With a mixture they're a strong fixture.

Poems are a seance with spirits,
Experience varies in degrees,
Some reach in blazin', some naturally.

Poems are tickets to freedom,
A train of thought in motion, full of devotion
With a small quotient
Over standing the meaning of a poem

O.N.E.I.

copyright 2001

o.n.e.i.
copyright 2001

Seeded Grapes

Vibes are the vine to divine intertwine,
like a spine an invisible line,
an indivisible kind.
But not visible to the naked eye separated in parts,
something like the heart
each has its own duty
tryin' to reach its mark.
On course of course like light and dark.
Emotion, energy, synergy creating bark or skin
like trees the breeze nature's within.
Be alive not survive, rhythms and vibes.
Listen closely let it be your Guide.

O.N.E.I.

copyright 2001

o.n.e.i.
copyright 2000

Coal

Cyber-sex began on pen and pad
Whose mental is on point
Like gift of gab
Yet exact as gentle
The deepest sentimental
Foreplay with the dental
Manifest with the pencil
Tongues be the stencil
Thoughts spark the kindle
While separated in limbo
It's suitable unrootable
Beautiful yet unusual

O.N.E.I.
copyright 2000

My Mind

whats on my mind and in my mind i wouldnt mind saying
only if the words could stop this world from morally decaying
reduce the mind game playing
reintroduce spirituality and cease mindless praying
if only the verbs strung together could keep on conveying
whats on my mind and in my mind i wouldnt mind saying

the heaviness in my mind upsets the cosmos
causing most to host a dose of some of me
yet not all and i call out to like minds
to bind the time
lost in a space that never existed
yet i can't resist it in case
you paused i stand right fisted for all in all
whats on my mind i find deep dark crimes outlined
in orange and blue hues
using my tools i dig and share and blog and tware
i mean twit and hit and comment on shit
that don't even matter because its gray
in my mind i am behind the nine
inhaling a line puffing a dime sipping the
sweetness of the vine
buying carpeted pine boxes
while lying with foxes its toxic
my mind

By O.N.E.I.
copyright 2009

Mental Health In America

Uploaded by www.cellspin.net

The Gully

I have heard about the hard money times . I have watched people cut back on some things but we have only now started to feel what some have felt for years. So I will keep this one short. Welcome America to the color reality ! Now you will see the true feeling of black and white !

o.n.e.i.
2009

Real Time

Real time. As in, as we speak. Real time has really forced us to operate in a delayed state waiting for the update. Allowing us to fill in otherwise meaningful space and time with sublime real time frames behind the ongoing pains. Media take out fake out our senses. We miss the glimpses of our children, aging parents, our aging faces which are apparent in real advertisements. Caught in the digital circus and unspoken divide stay in the moment its real momentum is live.
O.N.E.I. (c) 2009