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Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts

23.4.10

Tonight


I stand before you tonight with a free style
cause what I have to say
I thought was worth
they wild
my words
fit the profile
cause I just buried my child
So I stand before you left with a seven year old
and wife whose dom is split open pouring out sorrow that provides enough red ink that I had to think of a way to covey my purpose in this room
you come and play with the gift with big egos hats and plumes
while I write as to not be consumed by the casket and beautiful basket of flowers her classmates sent
I stand in this crowd just to prevent a subsequent death I possess the pebble that would shatter the windshield of the car wreck that wrecked her body and our world
I have still two baby girls
My wife and seven year old daughter not to mention grandma
I
Hate to waste your time but I took this open mic as my dime to reach out to you and transcend time if just for a nanosecond cause the minute I let go imma blow my fucking ...
I reckon I best keep coming back so I can nurse my wife to health she has lost so much she has lost touch of what it means to live she merely exist our little person is slowly grasping the concept of this carnage called life her sister is no longer here she said she don't want to ride her bike and when she gets older she just might be afraid of what she couldn't quite pin point but I am sure it is of what we all are fearful of
No control a fear of life a fear of the unknown a fear of being served with a curveball of life that would change your time zone
So I stand with this style so free to let my daughter's spirit inhabit me and roam
I speak her words right before she left home;

"Daddy, I trust you to carry my legacy on just as I have done for you. I have left you too soon I know this to be true. Yet I have carried you as far as I possible could. Now I must go forth but know I am never too far..."

I can't read the rest cause it gets stuck in my chest so I will just say love our children and be blessed.

23.8.09

A Little Girl's Pain


I needed you to hold me
Mold me
Show me how to be.
I am a small reflection of you.
Did you ever love me?

I needed you not to tear me down,
But build my esteem.
Judging me pound for pound,
Wishing I was lean.

I needed you to be a little more assertive,
And take me from my dad.
Who dressed me and treated me
As the son he didn't have.

I needed more berets and dainty lace socks,
Along with skirts to replace tube socks.

I needed you to show me how girls dress,
Maybe I wouldn't have worn so many sweats.
To teach me to be comfortable with myself,
Talk to me about the feelings of growing up you felt.

I needed less perms, rollers and hair pressin',
Come to my games support your investment.

I needed your approval not your expectations,
I needed not your temper but your patience.

Show me how to wash and love my body,
Tell me what's a cycle and explain it's not naughty.

I needed you to validate my feelings,
Help me define who I am.
Let me cry be by my side,
Just plain ole give a damn!

o.n.e.i.
copyright 2001

6.7.09

Introspection 5241


Introspection 5241

You stole my innocence and took away my choices

Stifled my spirit injected your voices

Shifted

My position creating androgyny

Enhancing partition of emotional maturity

Generating minority/inferiority

States of being

Arresting my development hindering and misleading

When seduced I see me fleeing

The situation

Fearful elation

Except thru masturbation

Still a child confined to your world

Raising a wife only to be sterile

Detached

Unknowingly you made me a banging’ ass stud

Searching for answers in my period blood

Small traces of places we visited with ease

Giving away masculine secrets

You planted the seed

On how to be a man

Outside of relations yet once opened up

I plot the constellation

Female born

Yet male grown

Division creating diversity



o.n.e.i.
copyright 2006